Tribble Rating: 2 (out of 5) Tribbles I
used to do book reviews for my Star Trek Fan Clubs Newsletter, this was my
rating system; I think it is time to bring it back!
Fellow writer friends of mine told me about this book, and
how bad it was. I was intrigued in
seeing why they thought it was so bad.
I thought, “It really can’t be that bad…” But after reading, I was forced to agree
with my fellow writers. Here are some
of the reasons I had to agree with them:
Continuity:
In the first scene, our
main characters Pryor Cains’ parents use their powers to stop all the humans in
the area. They do so without attracting
the attention of the demons. However, later
in the novel, we are told that whenever one of them uses their powers, then the
demons attack. The author further tells
us there is a potion that renders them invisible to the demons, but the
invisibility is broken if they use their powers. So where was the attack of demons in that
first scene?
The other big continuity error was after the blow up of the
path that was between the earth and the “Light.” We are told that Pryor’s
parents (as well as the others parents), were now cut off from the Earth. Pryor is on Earth side, her parents were on
the “Light” side. However here was her mother,
who could not have known about her youngest child’s death (as he was also on
earth); crying, and creating a storm on earth after finding out about his
death. Nowhere does she tell us that the
bridge/pathway is repaired or a new one built.
“Data dumping,” or “Info
Dumping”
The second problem I found was the constant “Data dumping,”
or “Info Dumping,” that the author committed in this novel. Data really should be revealed in the
action/dialogue of the story, not exposition (or used very sparingly). Especially when there is an action scene,
there should be no extra info. There are
numerous times the author does this, but I’ll give you this example:
The scene is set in a warehouse, and the main character Pryor’s best friend is about to fall to his death…
The scene is set in a warehouse, and the main character Pryor’s best friend is about to fall to his death…
“Randy, no!” Key and I shout almost at the
same time.
Key
gets to him before I do. In his hysteria, he shoves her, hard. This is definitely not Randy’s day because
Key’s boyfriend pops up on a Port just in time to see him shove her.
Aw crap, Bex’s gonna kill Randy.
Even
if Bex wasn’t a Para and didn’t have massive wings, he would frighten most guys
because of his sheer size. Bex has broad
shoulders, ripping muscles, and large hands.
Bex’s power is an all-consuming power that ball of light that drains
evil. In addition to the expert flying
skills.
Bex
doesn’t need his powers to hurt Randy.
His hands alone are enough. He
wraps them around Randy’s throat. Randy
can’t breathe much less talk. His feet
dangle helplessly in the air. Key and I
race up to them.
“Bex, put him down,” Key says sternly.
“He attacked you,” the Para
says, holding Randy’s life in his hands.
Bex
pays her no attention. Instead he
tightens his grip on Randy. Bex has
always been protective, even to a fault.
He and Key have been going out ever since I can remember. Bex isn’t just brawny and hot; he’s down
right impossible to resist.
He’s
tall with spiky dark brown hair that somehow always stays in place. He has these dreamy green eyes that pull you
in so deep, you may never find your way back….
And while poor Randy is hanging in Bexs grasp, the author
goes on to talk about Bexs’ smile, then Bex’s background; what kind of being he
is, what his special powers are etc. Which has now interrupted the flow of the
story. It gets the reader out of the
action, and that is something that a writer can’t afford to do.
Also, she had already mentioned about Bexs’ sheer size, she
really didn’t need the extra wording about his physical description. Though it would have been better just to go
with those details, showing why he was intimidating…maybe even describing the
look that Randy gives Bex.
The rest of the book has many such “Data Dumps.” The
way it could have been done is through showing.
The important information could have been done through action or
dialogue. She could have also put the
info on each of the Angel “Species,” in a glossary.
The Adult only
Chapter
Lastly, about the “Adult Only” chapter. There is a disclaimer on this chapter. It says “Mature
Content. Younger readers please skip to
chapter 12B. This should never
have been put in a “Young Adult,” novel.
Even with the disclaimer…what kid is not going to WANT to read it? The disclaimer only makes it more
attractive to read. It really has no
place in this novel, period.
Summary:
Seriously, I think that everyone should read this as an
example of how not to write a novel. I
have no idea if the author had any what we call Beta Readers go over this
book. Or even if it was edited
much. The continuity problems, and data
dumps spoiled what was a promising plot.
I enjoyed some of the parts though, not all of it was bad. But with the above problems, and the fact that
there was a disclaimer section; well, let’s just say I was happy I got the book
free.
